So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
