So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
