this beer tastes like vomit already
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize