I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
