your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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