I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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