I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
