You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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