apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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