If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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