haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
