how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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