PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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