Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
