she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
