NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
