i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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