she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
