Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
