Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
