The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
