Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
