Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
