"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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