My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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