Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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