I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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