i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
