idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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