I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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