the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
