So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
