got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
