there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
