You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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