I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
two words: eviction party
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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