my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
