I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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