Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
