3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
