you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize