My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
