Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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