He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
