Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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