What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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