Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
