Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
