i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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