just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
