watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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