I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
