Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk is a universal language darling
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
