Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
