I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
