Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
