addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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