My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
