actually, I'm a sock model
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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