Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
