She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
