I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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