I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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