You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
