never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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