conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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