You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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