No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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