I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
