Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
