hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize