i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
