just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
