i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
