do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
