hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize