I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
