I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
