I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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