He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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