You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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