me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize