I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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