How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
