you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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